Why do you wear your story? What is your WORD? What is that thing that you are trying to escape? We all have a story, what makes us who we are. That is the thing about people that I love so much. I love hearing their stories, their past, their passions, what they hate. It is so interesting to me to see what has molded someone into who they are.
I am no different than any of you. I experienced some pretty awful things in life. I had a few really bad things happen. You know, those life changing moments in life that leave scars so deep that you don't think you will ever heal. The ones that give you nightmares and anxiety attacks.
When I reflect back on my life, I realize how FEAR impacted almost every part of my life. It started young, really young. I wanted to please everyone. I was terrified of making mistakes. I had this need to be perfect and if I didn't achieve it, then I was a failure. Well, guess what? I failed daily as we all know no one is perfect. That went on with me through young adulthood and well into my early 40's. I equated being perfect to being worthy of love. I was afraid of so many more things: people not liking me, people talking about me, being the center of attention and people looking at me. I was backwards shy and was afraid to talk to people at school.
FEAR FEAR FEAR ruled my life and therefore most decisions I made were in fear. That is a tough place to be for so long. You are perpetually unhappy as you are never pleasing yourself because your standards are too high. To feel weak,unworthy, not enough, not confident and fearful was a huge burden to carry.
I finally got to the lowest place I could go. Fear was the driver of my life and I was just letting him take me down that path. One day a voice in my head said you will never be happy again. That thought scared me to my very core. My mind couldn't grasp the thought of never being content and happy. I craved joy and peace.
I needed to make a huge change in my life. That is when I decided to take control of that fear. That fear was fueling all the other insecurities. I started with the smallest of efforts but I had to let that need of perfection go. I seriously could have the tiniest chip in my nail polish and I would take all of it off because it was not perfect. I would stress out like a maniac anytime I took my kids out in public. Why? Because I was afraid they would act up, or cry, or spill something. Because if they did any of those things, then people would think I was a bad mom.
Those are just a few examples of the insanity I put upon myself and the pressure I felt daily. All because of fear.
I wear my Fearless shirt with pride. Not because I have never been afraid but because I have experienced so much of it. And yet, I have come so far. I have allowed that perfection piece to not dominate my ways. I am not perfect and I still have it creep back in from time to time. But now I recognize it and I quell it.
I started Light Your Life Tees with my 5 first designs: I am Confident, I am Enough, I am Fearless, I am Strong and I am Worthy because I never felt any of these things until I hit my 40s. I want to help other women understand their worth and not feel alone in their journey. I know my story is not unique. There are so many women that suffer in silence with these feelings of doubt and insecurity. I know because I did too.
Its time for us to step up and be there for each other, support each other and love each other.